Dreamy Revelations
by Starhopper
Summary: Kaoru's dream, reality, and thoughts


Kaoru's Dreamy Revelations  
  
By Starhopper  
  
Cautiously, taking care not to frighten him off like some doe-eyed rabbit, Kaoru took a step across the slatted granite walkway, clipped short because of the lack of give in her kimono.  
  
That step drained the ocean that had slogged their separate shores. He now stood on her beach, warmed by her sun and crying by her moon. Of course those tears would fall under the guise of raindrops showering from her clouds.  
  
Kaoru suddenly became aware of the lower lip bleeding between her teeth. She had sucked it in the moment he had arrived, and had been vigorously chewing it since. She tried to let it slide out on its own volition, but she continued to gnaw on it as if in comfort. While a baby might suck its thumb, she would chew her lip. In either case, the reward was pacification. In her case it also provided some perverse satisfaction that as he bled she bled. Pain was shared all around; therefore it was okay. Everything would be all right. They would all be forgiven for their sins.  
  
She was afraid to speak as he stood there, blood-soaked body trembling from the act of taking life, or the chill of the autumn night. Kaoru wasn't sure which. A sudden breeze caught her violet ribbon off-guard, tearing itself out of her grasp. She watched with horror as it floated effortlessly in the air, hovering for some higher power to send it on its holy mission. He looked up, the yellow of his eyes cooling rapidly like a bruise to a ruddy purple as the fabric of ribbon blurred along his shoulders. He didn't acknowledge the presence of the now blood-red violet ribbon or her for the matter. His gaze went right through her to the woods ahead of them.  
  
It was then that she realized he was not there. The cross on his left cheek, the flaming red spray of hair, even the physically short build and the personality that belied his stature. None of him was there. No cheery pink gi, no crisp white hakama. Himura Kenshin didn't exist. All that stood before her was the Battousai.  
  
But why did the Battousai have her Kenshin's eyes? Why were they now round and cool and sweet and alive like his? She narrowed her eyes, trying to detect, as if taking an x-ray of his mind, the source of life from someone so dead inside. Finally she found it. It was buried deep in the moon's reflection glinting in his eye. There she was. Tomoe in his embrace. Tomoe's smile lighting his dark night. Tomoe's breath against his mouth. She suddenly felt what he felt, a warm embrace given and received. Kaoru understood through his eyes. She understood it all perfectly.  
  
It was love.  
  
Love that was shared between the man and his fellow Man. It was that tenderness that made him want to live as Kenshin, that short, smiling, "oroing" cook and laundry man. As long as his faith in the love of humanity remained, he could survive as the Battousai.  
  
Jealousy kissed her heart at this conclusion. With or without the little Kamiya master, Kenshin would have the memory of his first love to carry him through the times when Battousai clawed at him to get out. The memory of a time when he put his life behind the sword to protect his loved ones. This time.  
  
Kenshin passed through her as he limped towards the trees. Kaoru shuddered in uncertainty, not knowing why her mind was playing with her like a yo-yo, bringing her up, then down, stringing her hopes along a thing thread of reality. Could he really see her and if he could, why couldn't he acknowledge her presence? How could he not see someone who loved him so? How could he not give her some sign that he understood? How could he - how could he - how could he not see her bleeding, crying, distancing her life out of his?  
  
"Kenshin," a bubble of blood popped over her bottom lip.  
  
For a moment, the world slowed. It was as if a switch had been thrown and this tragic machine called life was grinding to a halt. All for some glance in her direction, a soft, cool glance from sunset purple eyes. The flames of his hair backed away from consuming his face as he bent his head to the voice. Had he heard her?  
  
Grappling with her thoughts, Kaoru chewed her lip even more vigorously, trying to decide what course-of-action she needed to take. She felt stupidly precautious. He was Kenshin, her protector. The crazed yellow eyes of the Battousai had faded to Himura's crushed velvet fuchsia. One part of her psyche wanted nothing more than to embrace the strained muscles of his back, rest her head on the back of his neck, and whisper, "I know," over and over again into the soft pillow of his hair. The other side, the side rooted to reality, edged farther away from this dreamscape, this nightmare of illusions that her deep conscience had woven to justify her fears, reassure her that loving a man with such dual personas was impossible.  
  
The glance in her direction lasted just as long for Kaoru to make up her mind once and for all. It was waiting for the fire to be lit in his eyes.  
  
Why try loving him? Because she could and she had to. She had the ability, the drive, the strength that was sure to be tested if she tried. But to never take that step - to never know for certain as to how right she had been to follow whatever course in life she chose.that she could never forgive herself for. Ignore the pain and pessimist possibilities whispered in her ear by doubt and girlish naiveté. If this love could not withstand all of their pain and burden of their pasts, then it didn't deserve creation.  
  
Holding her head high, as if to hold the rest of her limbs up on that single puppet string, Kaoru repeated his name again, ever more certain in its own Kanji strength. With each call, the volume rose. Finally she was screaming it so loudly that she was sure this illusion would crack and shatter. Falling to her knees, she could still hear the distant rumble of his name that had gradually lost momentum and had slowed to a low growl. A growl conceived in the back of the throat, birthed in primal rage.  
  
Kenshin's head turned to face the mysterious voice and with a few shaky steps, fell before her, knees bent under him as if in prayer.  
  
"Kenshin," Kaoru tasted the words on her tongue before crawling up beside him, laying her right cheek against the back of his neck, drawing her left arm across his slashed chest and under his right arm, bringing him into a soft embrace. To her surprise, she found that she didn't cradle air, but a warm breathing body oozing blood and slick with sweat.  
  
An arm rose from the ground, gliding up her legs only by the touch of a fingertip. He hugged her closer to him once he found the small of her back.  
  
A whistle through the trees heralded the coming storm. On the breath of a distant god, someone whispered, "Ashiteru".  
  
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A/N: What possessed me to write this you say? Well, it was the last week of school and I was really getting into RK, so during SSR time, (I know, High School that has SSR: huh? But we did and a 15 break to do whatever you want really came in handy.) I started writing down all the metaphors and similes I could think of as a way to prove to myself that I can write in this style of juicy rather than descriptive. It may take you awhile, maybe even another read, (hell, I wrote the thing and I still have to read over it) but the message is there if you wish to find it.  
  
Is it a dream? Is it reality?  
  
J/A/N: Oh, and incidentally, I wrote the part about Kaoru shielding Kenshin way before I knew about the Jinchuu Arc . . . in a way that could be seen as a spoiler, but it's just a little strange that in my vignette, Kaoru makes the connection between the Battousai and the Rurouni. In the official Jinchuu Arc, Kaoru comes to terms with Ken's past life with Tomoe and his present life with her. o.O I don't know, maybe it's just me, but sometimes I swear I have ESP and this story can be filed under evidence of that. 


End file.
